Setting boundaries is hard—especially for people-pleasers. We often learn that our worth is tied up in what we have to offer or give others. We might fear being alone, leading us to do whatever it takes to assure that people don’t leave. We may feel like we aren’t lovable unless we fulfill the needs of others 100% of the time. We might have been given the message that to be “good”, we must be selfless.

The thing is, having poor boundaries leads to things like resentment, expectation, and disappointment. It creates a power imbalance in relationships. It gives us the false idea that we must be everything to everyone and if we aren’t, then we’re not doing enough. It causes us to live from our fears, rather than from our power.

When you set boundaries, you’re communicating that you matter and you put your own wellbeing first. It’s an act of love to recognize our need for boundaries, and it’s an act of respect to show up for others from a place of love, rather than a place of obligation or resentment. Setting boundaries is a way of honoring your own needs, recognizing what is and isn’t okay for you, and finding the courage to live and show up from *that* place, trusting that others will be okay (and if they aren’t, it isn’t about you anyway).

What comes up for you when you read this? Where might your boundaries be a little too loose, and what would it mean to tighten them? These questions are simply bites to chew on, with the hope that we take some small steps towards understanding what might need to shift in order to better care for ourselves so we can best care for others, too.